Someone once came to me with a problem which really struck an accord with me about a subject which I assume to be really common in the LGBT+ community… falling for straights. Luckily I had the time on my hands to properly think about this problem and because of the context of this individual’s problem I was able to give the advice which I thought they would benefit from, so as I’ve been thinking I decided to bring the topic to you guys!
Okay so falling for someone you know isn’t interested can be hard to accept, and being rejected due to being the wrong gender can cause the rejection to become all the more hurtful. I’m sure that all LGBT+ members have had some sort of experience where they’ve crushed on a heterosexual, and I’m quite sure (almost certain) that all these stories will have had different endings. It may even be that some stories still haven’t ended and are just a continuation of frustration and torment. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t crush on straight boys from time to time. Sometimes it’s just inescapable. I don’t believe that we as humans have complete control over what we find attractive about a person and often times this leads to unrelenting frustrations knowing that I (as a male) am not likely to be the ideal partner for a heterosexual guy who’s looking for love with a woman.
If anyone (LGBT+) has found themselves falling for a hetero for the first time and isn’t sure what to do, then my advice would be to try and detach from the idea of being with them. Holding out for any sort of relationship with them is only going to cause more emotional pain than is necessary and it’s much better to try and find someone who would be more open to the idea of dating someone of the same gender.
If you doubt their sexuality then talk to them about it and certainly AVOID ANY ATTEMPT TO TURN THEM!
Sure, lots of people doubt their sexuality at some stage in their lives, and usually a little bit of liquid confidence can have interesting results, but I would recommend talking about their sexuality while both of you are sober, so as to avoid any awkward attempts to kiss, which may then lead to your crush feeling panicked or defensive. Speaking from experience, there is little you can do once the wrong move has been played, and many hetero guys struggle to deal with unwanted advances from other guys.
I would also advise caution if your crush is in a relationship with the opposite gender, and you are aware of your crush’s curiosity. I once became involved with a guy who was already in a 2 year hetero relationship with a girl. We’d talk and flirt over social media etc and then one day his girlfriend found out. Instantly she blamed me for his disloyalty to her and I tried to defend him (I considered us friends) until he threw me under the bus and joined her in blaming me, so to avoid being outed. I knew I wasn’t innocent in adding to the cause of such a drama but I knew I wasn’t entirely to blame, and the feeling of betrayal I felt when he denied any and all feelings he evidently had towards me was crushing. I was fully aware that nothing good would come of these antics, but for some reason I didn’t think the contact between myself and this lad would stop after we were caught. But of course it would! He was either going through a phase or he just simply wasn’t ready to accept his feelings. Either way, accepting the non-reciprocated feelings was something I simply had to do. Yeah, it hurt for a while, but only a short while, and it allowed me to predict where the majority of my straight boy crushes were headed… nowhere!
So, I suppose my advice to anyone not hetero crushing on someone straight, would be to get over the idea as fast as possible. To be blunt it’s probably not going to work out and it’ll save you a lot of heartache as well as a potential break up of friendship and completely avoids the risk of any hostility between you.
In a similar way for you heterosexuals that don’t know how to deal with same-sex advances (lads I’m talking to you especially) just brush it off and be nice about it. Try not to lash out and assure your admirer that you know who you are and a homosexual relationship is simply something that won’t happen. Still offer up friendship but be sure that you’re not leading anyone on. Be clear, be flattered (it is a compliment to be hit on by anyone) and above all just be supportive, it’ll be much more awkward for them than it is for you. Avoid telling your friends unless you have permission from your admirer, as gossip can lead to all kinds of difficult problems, especially in a school environment.
So yeah, this is my advice for both sides of the situation. Emotions and feelings are weird enough, so when hormones get thrown in everything can go to shit. Ah well. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this post and I’d be glad to hear of your experiences and what advice you would give to someone in either one of these perspectives in this sort of situation.
Until next time…