I’m not going to talk about any of my illnesses today or raise awareness for them and other invisible diseases. Instead I’m going to talk about something I believe is far more important as a sufferer, acceptance.
As I have mentioned in the passed I was a very sporty child and completely healthy, along with all of my family members and siblings. So when I got ill and diagnosed with all of the illnesses I have mentioned in previous posts, it was a shock to the system and the family. Going through all of the hospital investigations and the doctors asking my mother and I:
‘Doe’s this run in the family? Do you have a history of these symptoms in your blood line?‘
And each time the answer being ‘no, its just her/me‘. As a youngster, I felt I was being punished, felt all of the good things in my life and all of my aspirations were being taken away from me. I constantly asked ‘why me? what did I do to deserve this?’ and for a short while, I continued to believe that it was a punishment and that I did deserve it.
However, after a few years of self pity, depression and all in all giving up, I realized that there was no point. This was my life now and rather than being a constant misery and convincing myself there was no reason to carry on I stopped saying to myself ‘why me?‘ but rather ‘this is me’ and I wrote a list. A list of all the reasons this was good for me. So, here it is, my gratitude list.
- I appreciate life more than I ever did. The small things really, things I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at before. For example, going on a bike ride or playing in the snow. Two things that before I was ill was just normal activities, where as now I hardly have the energy or strength to do it. But when I do, it feels epic.
- Rather me than my family. My younger siblings have so much going for them and I would hate to see this happen to them. They are beautiful, young, smart with so much going for them and are 1000% healthy. I have come to believe that I have taken all of the ‘bad/misfortune’ illnesses etc. allowing them to flourish as they were meant to, without anything to hold them back.
- An extension of the previous point, I also believe that this is part of my destiny (if you will). It is my destiny to have taken on these illnesses to allow them to be healthy and free to pursue their path. For this is my path. Rather than the athlete I had always dreamed of being, it was a means to an end. A point in the right direction down my life path. It was a test of will to see if I was able to handle what was intended for me.
- Without this, I would never have found passion in Business and pursued this as a career.I would never have gone to University. I would never have met my friends and grown into the person I am now.
So there you go, a list of things I am grateful for with regards to my illnesses. I’m not especially religious but I do believe things happen for a reason, though we may not know it yet. I have accepted that my life is different know, that days are going to be tough and potentially get worse. But you know what?
- If this hadn’t of happened to me I know for a fact that I would not be as happy with my life as I am now.
- I know I would not have met a group of friends who I love and cherish as much as I do now.
- I would not be getting a degree and pursuing something I deeply love and I am good at.
- I would not be the person I am today, the person I am proud of being.
I hope you have enjoyed this post and maybe see that there is good in the bad. If you feel similar to myself, please leave a comment! I would love to hear what you are grateful for.
Blog you later »